Massaging Your Partner

There's no better Valentine’s Day gift for the one you love than to offer him/her a nice massage…from the one they love! While a professional-level therapeutic massage is something that requires training and years of practice, To guide your hands during the massage of your partner, I have created a mnemonic device that stands for these reminders: Comfort, Unhurried, Pressure, Improve/Improvise and Duplicate; or…C.U.P.I.D.


Comfort
Make certain that the massage receiver is comfortable in every way. Paying attention to the details of their comfort is very nurturing and being cared for, even “fussed over” feels indulgent in and of itself. By putting yourself “in charge” of your partners comfort it allows them to relinquish control for the duration of the experience and simply relax. If you are not a natural “caregiver” here is a checklist to ensure that the receiver of your massage is completely comfortable.

• Atmosphere, music, lights - soft, relaxing and spa-like
• Temperature - comfortable for person receiving massage to be unclothed
• Body position - receiver may need a neck pillow or elevated knees
• Removal of distractions - turn off cell phones & keep pets/kids out of the room

Unhurried
This should be your mantra for the pace of the massage. Even if your partner likes a brisk pace when receiving a professional massage, you, as the giver of massage, will need to think, interpret and adapt as you go. The best way to do that, with some finesse, is to go slowly.

Also try to move slowly, not only in the pace of your strokes but also in your progression from one area to another. One of the biggest mistakes, new and non-massage therapist make, is simply not spending enough time in one are before moving on to the next. A slow pace will also help you move gracefully through transitions from one part of the body to another without the massage coming to an abrupt halt.

It may seem boring and very repetitious to you but when receiving a relaxing massage, it takes the body a moment to recognize a massage stroke, respond to it consciously (and give feedback about it to the giver) and then respond to it unconsciously. It is that unconscious respond that allows the receiver to actually begin to give over to the relaxation massage encourages within the mind and the body.

Pressure
A good massage is conditional upon a number of factors, including the amount of pressure used in the treatment. But, gauging pressure is one of the most difficult aspects of giving a massage. Part of the difficulty in gauging massage pressure lies in its inherent subjective, intuitive nature. It is, more than any other, a skill you have to get the "feel" for. This requires practice and careful consideration of the way the muscles are responding to your touch. Yet despite these difficulties, there are some general guidelines you can follow.

Gauging pressure when giving a massage is dependent on two factors:
1. The part of the body being touched
2. The type of massage being performed.

The area of the body on which you are working will determine to some degree the amount of pressure you apply. In many cases common sense will dictate how much pressure you should use. For example, you would never use as much pressure to the side of the neck as you would the back. Areas of the body full of pressure points, such as the top of the feet, will require a more gentle approach than the shoulders. It should also be said that parts of the body which are bruised, inflamed or torn should not be worked on at all.

The pressure you apply when giving a massage varies based on the type of massage you are giving. For example, in a basic relaxation massage, commonly known as a "Swedish" massage, you would use a relatively light touch.

Ultimately, the massage recipient is the judge of whether or not the pressure is correct, and for this reason, a good idea is to communicate with him or her regarding the pressure. Tell them to let you know if the pressure is too hard or too soft.

Improve/Improvise
By working slowly you will develop the ability to begin to feel changes in the tissue you are working on. That information will help you learn how to massage your partner in a way they will enjoy. If you are not sure…ask! Does this feel could? How can I make it feel better?

This is also the time to try different “tools”. Does a stroke down the back feel better with a flat palm or a forearm? Is both are equally good then you can alternate for variations. In order to improve you must be willing to try things in different ways and get feedback from your partner. This will require a bit of patience on both you parts but the payoff is worth it.

Duplicate
While focusing on one area at a time, you will begin to discover those moments of “perfection” when a type of stroke, pressure, direction feels incredibly good to your partner. So, duplicate that combination…

o In the same place, by repeating it
o On the opposite side of the body
o In other parts of the body that have similar tissue

By using CUPID as a guide you and your partner can learn how to massage each other. Of course if your goals are more ambitious, I do a private tutorial and show couples some basic therapeutic massage techniques in a private session and they both get to give and receive---it’s a great Valentine’s Day present! For more information, check out the SPECIALS tab on my website.